365 days of 40 #145 & 146

I'm really just to tired to write anything tonight, I'm still getting over bronchitis, but I think the fact that I made call backs for Fiddler on the Roof is pretty exciting.  Of course, having absolutely no voice to speak of made life interesting.  I read for Yente, and if I could keep the gravely voice, it would be perfect.  That in and of it self was crazy, but then the director asked who wanted to read for Golde, and I went ahead and read for that  part as well.   I read with someone reading for Tevye, which was fine.  That wasn't the insane part.  The insane part was that I attempted to sing with no voice.  I did manage to stay on key relatively well considering my challenges.  I really have no expectation of getting a part, though I really would like to get one.  I would be quite happy with Yente, but man, if only I could get Golde, that would be pretty amazing. I was up against seasoned actors who have worked with the director before. I know that as a director, I like working with people who I've worked with before, so I'm sure that will play into her decision.  I've never directed a musical before, and I don't know what she is looking for.   So while I wait to find out the verdict, I'm just going to be proud of myself for trying something that I never thought would be possible. 

365 days of 40 #144

I hope everyone had as wonderful a Christmas as I did.  I spent a great day with the kids before heading over and having an awesome ham dinner with the rest of the family.  It was so much fun to have the little boys with us. Everyday I'm praying for Tiffany to be able to adopt them.  They just fit. 

Anyway, my kids had a good day as well and I really know them. I managed to get them exactly what they wanted and then the best part was the biggest surprise, everyone is going to the Salt Lake Comic Con fan experience in April.  I got the best reaction ever.  We are so excited.

Now, everyone is tired and is very quiet, so I'm going to head to bed now.  I really do hope everyone had a very safe and Merry Christmas!!!

365 days of 40 #143

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve.  Seriously, the time has just flown by.  This is my 14th year as a parent at Christmas time, and I gets better every year.  Thankfully Santa has come and gone, so I can just lock the door and head to bed.  I'm exhausted.  More tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!!!

365 days of 40 #142

I have noticed that blogs I write on the computer are significantly longer than the ones on my phone, if no other reason, because I can type much faster.  Go figure.  Anyway, I just finished wrapping all of the Christmas presents, which is always fun.  My butt is numb, but it was worth it.  It was exciting to have gifts for the boys that Tiff has.  She is so excited to have their first Christmas with them and so am I. She and Matt are great parents, and I hope that she can officially adopt them in the coming year.  They just fit in our family. I know that all of us have become very attached.

It's really quiet tonight with the kids gone.  I'm glad that I'm going to have them for Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day. Our little family, humble though it is, really is fun.  I can't wait for them to open presents, the biggest gift of all is actually the smallest in size.  I love how looks can be deceiving.

Well it's time for bed now.  I'm completely wiped out.  First day back to work was long and this week is going to be really long as well, since I need to get in as many hours as I can before my impending unemployment. Not a real happy thought, but such is life.

365 days of 40 #141

Finally feeling well enough to go back to work tomorrow, so Yay for feeling better.  Not perfectly healthy, just well enough that I can muddle through the last 8 days of work I have before the end of the year.  Scary thought, but since it's the end of the year, there really isn't a whole lot that I can do about it now anyway, so I'm trying really hard not to dwell about it.  I'm figuring out a game plan for making the most of my time when I'm not working so that I can get things moving forwards with other aspects of my career.  I know that I really need to be working on my query letter, but right now, creating a bubble map for my next power 90 goal is making me far happier and isn't nearly as taxing on the brain as it is trying to write a letter.

What's nice that I can see that I can actually make this happen, but it's going to require me to do a lot of prep work, which isn't hard, it's the leap of faith afterwards that is scary.  It helps that I know what I'm doing next because momentum is key and in spite of being sick, I do have a lot of things that I'm looking forward to accomplishing next year.  The hardest part for me is going to be staying focused and not wandering off on some random tangent.  That is a pattern of failure that I don't want to repeat.  Of course, my next goal has several parts, but this time they are for the same project and not different ones.  That's been the problem that I've been running up against.  I just haven't been in the right headspace to tackle the content and outlines for the project formerly known as Shadowchaser.

There are so many changes to it, that it really just makes sense to take out that ring completely and move it all to the next goal.  For the rest of the year, I'm just going to focus on getting JAL prepped and ready to go out at the beginning of the year.  That means proofreading, content checks, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get it read outloud so I can hear how it sounds.  I'm making a list of people that I know in the business and I'm going to ask them to pass it on and finally I'm going to working on the query letter emails to send out.  I want to have them all ready to go out right after the holidays.  Sending them out before the holidays is just an exercise in futility.  Since I have a lot of those in my life already, I want to minimize those as much as possible.

It's amazing how many ideas I get in the shower and today was no different.  I mapped out my goals for the next year and they are all entirely doable, as long as I stay focused, which seems so hard.  I just wish that I could download all of the plans, information, goals and other content directly from my brain to a hard drive.  It would make things so much cleaner.  If I ever hear about that kind of human / computer interface, I might just invest.

For now, I'm just going to close and go to bed.  I'm exhausted and the whole sleeping thing hasn't been going well the last few days.  Falling asleep while writing your blog is never a good sign either.

365 days of 40 #140

Thankfully I'm starting to feel better, but man, bronchitis is nasty.  I totally got knocked on my ass.  Yet another day of really not doing much, but since every time I get up, I cough up a lung and struggle to catch my breath, it's to be expected.  My brain is also starting to get unfogged which is nice, because while sometimes thinking is overrated, I prefer not to feel like a zombie.  Today had been another Chuck marathon, and I just finished season 4. Only 1 season left.  Man, this is an awesome show.  There isn't enough mainstream geeky humor around.  Sure,  Big Bang Theory is good, but I can't think of anything else.  More motivation for me to create my stuff.  Never did I think I would contemplate the idea if creating a comedy.  I just need to stop thinking I'm bad at doing things, because I'm a lot more capable than I give myself credit for.  But for tonight, I'm just gonna finish Chuck, and hopefully I'll be feeling more human and ready to tackle life and writing soon.

365 days of 40 #135 to 139

Bronchitis really sucks. I've been sick for several days and it has completely knocked me on my ass. Needless to say, doing anything productive has been off the table.  Two days ago, I couldn't even get out of bed.  Yesterday I barely made it out of bed, and I totally had to sleep on the couch last night so I could breathe.  Because of that, I did a Torchwood season 4 marathon. 

Today has been a Chuck marathon. My latest celebrity crush is Zachary Levi. Granted, I'm still saving myself for Nathan Filion, but since he doesn't actually know I exist, it's not like I'm cheating on him.  I totally have this thing for smart and geeky.  I wish I felt better though, do I could enjoy watching the eye candy. 

Hopefully tomorrow I can be more productive because I have some ideas for scripts, letters and Kickstarter stuff.  In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the goodness that is Chuck.

Yay for geeks. 

365 days of 40 #134

Still sick.  Blech. I wish I had something interesting to say, but I really don't. I didn't go to work and spent it in bed and when I did get up, I did laundry. I'm going to work tomorrow, which I'm not really excited about.  But I can't afford not to go.  Hopefully I'll hear something about the new job soon. Until then, I'm going to bed.

365 days of 40 #132 & 133

I went to church today, the first time in a couple of months.  It was nice.  I also got a calling, I haven't had one of those for a while.  Should be fun.  However, this biggest thing on my mind is that I'm getting sick.  I can feel it in my chest and when I cough.  So time for bed. Hopefully, getting sick is just a figment of my imagination. 

365 days of 40 #131

Today is Friday the 13th.  I'm pleased to say that it was relatively uneventful.  I wish I had something of particular interest, but aside from work, some grocery shopping and power 90, I really haven't done much. 

Well, that's not entirely true.  Power 90 had an interesting lesson. It was about playing to our strengths. We got broken into teams. The goal was to raise $30 in 30 minutes.  Our team decided to go to the mall and sell Holiday Hugs for $1. I can't say our idea was all that successful from a money making stand point, but from a confidence building stand point, it was pretty good.  I even got up in the middle of the food court and announced our intentions. People looked at me like I was insane, and now that I think about it, it's true.  I guess I'm getting really good at making a complete idiot or of myself, but we had fun.  :) Maybe I'll be able to stop the negative voices in my head and start to move past them and just do what needs to be done.

In the meantime, I'm vegging out on the couch watching TV.  I'm planning on being more productive tomorrow.  I have less than a month to get a whole lot of writing done.  Good times!!!

365 days of 40 #130

I managed to get about 1/2 my Christmas shopping done.  I still have a few more things that I need to get, but, yay! I'm getting close to being done.  I'm so tired, my brain is completely fried.  Crazy busy at work, and while I had hoped to get some writing done, between work and shopping, it just didn't happen.  I am really glad that I went to Walmart tonight because there were so few people there and I was able to take my time.  I just reread this blog post and it is so random, but I really don't care right now.  In the meantime, here's a new pic of me.  I think it's kinda cute, if I do say so myself.  :)

365 days of 40 #128, & 129

I've been laying in bed trying to figure out what to write and while I have a ton of things floating around in the deep dark recesses of my brain, none of them are even remotely interesting, which, come to think about it, is probably why nothing hit written yesterday.  That and the fact that I fell asleep.  So short and sweet tonight. 

365 days of 40 #125, 126, & 127

So, migraine headaches really, really suck.  On Saturday afternoon, I took a nap and woke up with the absolute worst headache I think I had ever had.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to nip it in the bud, and I was miserable for several hours.  I got the headache under control, fell asleep and woke up to the headache coming back.  Thankfully, it didn't last nearly as long. The problem is that I was left with a headache hangover.

I haven't had a hangover in a very long time.  I'm seriously too old for that. 

Needless to say, yesterday, I didn't get out of bed so when I tried to get going this morning, I was facing a gravity well that was almost bigger than my bed.  It's a good thing that I escaped it this morning, it was a close call.  It's now barely after 9pm and I'm ready to go to bed.  It's going to be a long week.

Man, I'm really getting old. 

365 days of 40 #124

Technology, if used correctly, can be used to bring you closer to your family.  My phone has been great for that, because it seems like lately, I'm curled up with one of my kids playing a game or watching a YouTube video or some other random thing that wouldn't have been possible without my phone. One of my goals has been to spend more time with them and I think this has been a unique way to go about it.  I don't ever remember doing anything life that with my mom. Granted, my mom and I had a very challenging relationship, 2 completely different individuals who saw the world in very different ways. I think because I'm pretty laid back about things, it's helped keep the kids pretty chill about things.  Tonight was M's turn.  We played a movie guessing game then a song guessing game.  We played for a good hour, just cuddled up under the covers, trying to stay warm.  Last night X and I watched nerf war videos. I'm hoping that I can continue to hanging out with them like this.

In the meantime,  I came up with another Web series idea, again, just a fictionalized version of my life with a different POV.  I have lots to do, but I feel confident,  certainly a lot more now than when this whole thing started.  :) it's a great feeling.

Today's picture is the moon and Venus shining close together. If only my camera could capture even one 10th of what my eyes do. 

365 days of 40 #123

Living an authentic life for me means that I'm goofy, neurotic, passionate and creative.  The last few days I've been able to do and be that.  I've felt an urgency to moving forward in my career choices and I've got a game plan coming together. I'm getting rid of all of my negative beliefs that have been holding me back and taking those leaps of faith that will get me to the next step on my journey to becoming a film maker.

The last few days have been about starting to get people on my team.  Today, I met with a graphic designer about designing my company logo for my production company as well as creating my whole brand identity.  Who in a million years would have thought that I could ever needed one of those.  I'm hoping to be able to go live with a kickstarter campaign in just a few months, but in order to accomplish that goal, I need to have all of my ducks in a row.  In the next week or so, I'm going to start a new blog about my show to start raising interest. It's going to be a challenge to raise $50,000. At  least that's what I think I need, as I get closer to budgeting things out, that number will probably change. 

It's an absolutely terrifying idea, but exhilarating at the same time. I've got ideas popping into my head left and right, some of them are even comedies which just seems bizarre, because I never thought of myself as funny, but maybe as I'm getting older, I'm getting more comfortable just being me. 

I'm just feeling so grateful about life, kids and future that nothing is ever going to hold me back, especially me, ever again. 

Besides, things are starting to heat up, certainly, much warmer than the temperature this morning.

365 days of 40 #122

Where to begin.  Right now, I'm laying in bed, nose stuffed up, half way between freezing and being hot and watching YouTube videos.  Yes, extremely busy and important stuff I assure you. 

Actually, it was a pretty good day.  Everyday, I'm making progress towards my power 90 goal, which makes me happy.  Even happier was cuddling up with X, watching funny hamster videos. I love my kids, they crack me up. 

I have no kids this weekend, so I'm not going to let life derail me.  I have a red phone mission that I need to finish, not to mention all of the other life stuff that needs to be done. Add to that Christmas shopping and I could very well get overwhelmed, but instead, I'm feeling excited.  The new year is only a few weeks away, and I've never been more looking forward to a fresh start than I am now.

Until then, I really need to shut my brain down and try to sleep. 

365 days of 40 #121

The day started off very white.  Yay for snow.  I did some kid stuff with Xander at school.  It's scary that we're talking high school next year.  Seriously, I don't know how that's possible.  I was only 75% functional at work.  I just felt drowsy all day and I had such a hard time focusing.  I'm sure that it had something to do with the fact that I've been thinking so much about my power 90 goal and my query letter that I'm working on.  In fact, tonight, Marquella and I spent time together working on a logline.  Amazing daughter that she is, even pulled up a logline for her favorite book.  She knew exactly what we needed.  We're not done, but we're definitely on the right track.  I need to figure out just how much I need to say.  I have one version that I really like, but it has more information than I need, but there is still important stuff,  so it's cut, rewrite, cut... Once that is done, then the next step is finishing the query letter, the logline is a huge part of it.  Every little bit counts as I move towards the end of my power 90 goal.

365 days of 40 #120

We had our power 90 class tonight, instead our normal Friday, but it was amazing.  It was about finding the right motivation to take that next step.  Mine was writing a one sheet, and there would be no TV or Internet - for the entire family until I got a rough draft done.  Since I really didn't want kids mad at me, I got my 1st draft done. It took me about 20 minutes.  Now I have something to edit and work on. Which means I'm one step closer to fulfilling my goal of getting an agent or manager.  I have another dead line looming, the contract that I thought was going through April or May is ending at the end of the month.  It's another stick to keep me moving.  But guess what, I'm moving. 

Besides, I'm a super hero now.  I'm Action Girl and I make kick ass movies.  Life is good.  :)

365 days of 40 #119

I wish I could say that I was effective and productive today, but I can't.  I had one of my famous, or rather infamous vertigo attacks.  One that knocked me on my ass. Needless to say, there was no writing done. I did however work on my research for what it would take to have a successful kickstarter campaign as well as looked into a variety of Web series as a way to figure out what I'm doing with things.  But I need to refocus and get back to the writing so that at the beginning of the year, I can launch a kickstarter campaign. Lots to do and it's exciting. I'm so close, I just need to focus on this goal and move forward.  Less than a month to go. 

365 days of 40 #118

I have decided drama only belongs on the big screen and not in my life, but since life doesn't really care what I think, is time for me to take matters into my own hands.  I've spent the day, or at least the time that I've been awake, researching how to do a webseries. I'm finding more and more information that is making me realize that I can do it.  I just need to get people on my team who believe in me. It's possible to actually pursue a career as an independent film maker and there has never been a better time to do it.  I wish that I would have been less afraid before, but timing is everything.  Between the power 90 course and my brief stint at Amex, my confidence has grown leaps and bounds.  My kids are also at the age where I can have them actively and meaningfully participate in the process. I'm excited.  2013 has been pretty good, but 2014 is gonna rock!!!!