365 days of 40 #176

I spent the day working on my logline, only to realize that I needed to include a scene that refers back to said logline. I know that my script was running on the short side, but I couldn't figure out what to add.  Then I realized that I need to include this scene and as I was rereading the script to figure out where it should go, I found several scenes that need work, all of them are in act 3, so it's a good thing I realized I was kind of dumb, because now I can fix those problems.  It's also good that I let it sit for a while, because I was too close to it.  I'm much more rational about it and can see things clearer.  I'm looking forward to working on things tomorrow. 

None of the scenes require massive work, more like a series of mini face lifts. I want this script to knock an agents socks off.  I'm getting there.  If I can make this as strong as script as possible, there's no reason why I can't get some movement on this soon.

It's amazing how much more confidence one has when you know you've done you're absolute best.

365 days of 40 #175

I heard back about 2 different jobs today which is very exciting, so hopefully I'll be back to being employed soon. In the meantime, I need to really get my butt in gear and get some more writing done before I go back to work.  If all goes well, I only have one more week on unemployment, so I have lots to finish.  Today, I ended up helping out Tiff and the boys and didn't end up getting other stuff done. It's okay though.  Family is important.  Tomorrow, it's time to head back to the library, but not too early.  Mornings are just very painful. At least when we wake up in the morning, it should be warm.  Hopefully, the latest fix on my furnace will keep working.  It can't have been easy for our maintenance guy to keep coming out, but when a part is failing, sometimes, there's nothing you can do. 

Cleaning and writing, two of my least favorite things to do, await me, so it's time for bed.

365 days of 40 #173-174

Sundance is over, which is always so sad. Once again, I wasn't able to see as many movies as I wanted, but I did manage to see a few good ones.

Friday night, Nancy and I were able to sneak out and see, "The trip to Italy", a British comedy with Steve Coogan. It was pretty good. It was really nice to be able to hang out with her because I haven't had a chance to see her since she's had the new baby.  Sometimes it's really hard to maintain friendships because people get busy and that is always so sad.

Saturday, I was able to usher for the Indian film, "The Lunch Box", which was a wonderful and uplifting story.  It didn't have a happy ending per se, but it had a hopeful ending, one where you really hoped that once the credits rolled, they managed to get together.  I thought it was probably the best film that I saw.

Later, I managed to get one final film in,  "What We Do In The Shadows", thanks to volunteer tickets.  It was by far the funniest film I had seen.  A vampire mockumentary,  and I laughed my ass off.  Both of the ones I saw on Saturday, I totally want to buy of I can get the chance. 

It's time for me to get over myself and get my stuff going, because I'm tired of not living my dream.  My films are good enough to be made. I just need to keep remembering that.

365 days of 40 #171-172

It's really sad when you pause for several seconds before you start writing because you don't know what you want to write about.  Really, not much has happened to make life all that interesting. 

The most exciting thing was picking M up from school early today because she's sick.  Poor kid.  She gets very cuddly when she doesn't feel good.  Nothing more than a cold, but it's amazing how awful it can make someone feel.

I just got home from my 4th night of Sundance.  I'm gonna go see some films tomorrow and Saturday day before my last night of volunteering that night.

I know I need to get some sleep, last night's dreams were very weird, car repairs and magic clouds and kept me from getting a good sleep.  Odd combination of I don't know what.  I just want to keep reading my book, a very funny and insightful book about writing screenplays, but my brain is finally shutting down, so I need to take advantage.

Busy weekend ahead of me.

365 days of 40 #170

I have a job interview on Friday, which is good, unfortunately it is a part time job which sucks. It is at SLCC which means it is like going home, but I have to admit it was nice making really good money.  Being able to pay all my bills and having extra at the end of the month was amazing.  This job is going to be less than what I was making at SLCC at the end, so that's a problem, but living on unemployment is worse. 

I just need to focus on sending out query letters.  I've got to get over the anxiety of the whole thing.  It is quite ridiculous for me to be so neurotic about the whole thing. I have people who were interested before, so there is reason to believe that I might be able to find people who are interested now.

I don't think it's really even about people saying no.  It's the possibility that people won't like it and think it sucks and tell me that I'm completely insane for wanting to be a screenwriter, let alone a film maker.  Talk about serious doubts.  I can do this, I know I can, but fighting the voices in my head is an uphill battle.  It's exhausting and so hard to overcome. 

Tomorrow I just need to focus on the query letters.  I don't have to send it out, I just have to get it written.

I can do that.  Really.

365 days of 40 #166-169

3 busy days of Sundance.  Very exciting.  I just really wish that I could have gone to Park City, but traffic was going to be a bitch, and I just didn't have extra gas money. One of these years I really do need to go up and hang out on Main Street when all the celebrities are up there.

I have been able to see a couple of shows. I saw Overnighters, a documentary about the oil fields in North Dakota, and how people were struggling to find jobs once they moved up there, like the old Gold Rush boom towns. The director was there for Q&A afterwards, & I thought it was really pretty well done.

The other one that I saw, Wetlands, was a bit more challenging. It was a German film with English subtitles, but that wasn't the problem.  Its a movie based off of a coming-of-age book about a girl who is a bit obsessed with bodily fluids. That's a nice way of putting things. 

As a writer, I'm all about pushing the envelope, and sometimes certain things are more taboo than others.  I really don't have a problem with things, but sometimes being super graphic, takes you out of the story. There are a few things that nearly made me vomit, I know part of it is that I really do have a weak stomach when it comes to some body functions, I don't think I ever recovered after being pregnant because there are just some things that I can't handle.

Oh well, such is life. I am really excited to see some films later this week. I'm really hoping that I can go out with some friends, otherwise I'll just basically live at the theater by myself. I guess there are worse things.

In other news, X is going back to school for half days starting tomorrow. The new semester starts next week and I'm really excited for him, but I know he's kind of anxious. I wish I could help, but there's not much I can do. M is doing well and no real exciting things to report with her.

Tomorrow, I'm getting back to the writing and job hunt. X and I are going to be hitting the library after I pick him up from school.  I need to get back on track to have another productive week. 

365 days of 40 #165

In terms of writing, I wasn't all that productive.  I only got 4 pages written.  I know that as much as I want to write more, but I know that my stress about not having a job is weighing heavily on me.  I need to focus on my job hunt better, then get back to the writing.  I'm sure that will help get the creativity back.

My very handsome son is finally starting to feel better and had been easing back into school.  He's been going to 2 classes a day.  Next week he'll be doing half days till the following week which is the start of the new semester and he'll be back full time.  We're going slowly to help keep his anxiety levels down.  When you have a chronic illness that is exasperated by anxiety, it's best to keep things chill.

The other big news was that my beautiful daughter had her first dance recital tonight and she did a great job.  I'm so proud of her.  As I look at how much she has grown up in just the last few months, it boggles my mind.  I can't wait to see what she does with her life.

Tomorrow is my first night for Sundance, so I need to get some sleep.  It's gonna be great!!!

365 days of 40 #164

I set a goal of writing 5 pages today and almost didn't make it.  It was crazy, it was like all of a sudden I had these expectations and my brain totally freaked out.  The previous 2 days, I had set no expectations and my brain was free.  Very weird.  Whatever the issue, I definitely need to be out of my house to write.  It really does help me focus better.  It's like I've gone to work and it forces me to be more productive.  I went to all the trouble leaving the house, I had better make the most of my time.

Tonight was the Sundance volunteer party up in Park City.  It was fun. I got to see some old friends and make new ones.  I'm looking forward to starting on Friday.  It's gonna be so much fun. 

The kids stayed gone for a little while by themselves.  I'm so glad they are old enough to be home alone.   It was dark and quiet when I got home.  Both of them were completely unconscious, so it's my turn to join them in slumber.  I have much to do tomorrow.

365 days of 40 #163

Seriously, I am so much more productive when I'm busy, even if I'm tired.

Last night, I could not fall asleep, it was after 4am before I finally was able to knock off, and then I had to get up before 7am to make sure one kid was awake and getting going.  The other one is on home and hospital and we're getting him back into the swing of things with school, so I didn't take him to school till 9am and had to pick him up at 11am. Needless to say, sleep was not my friend today.  Of course last week, there were a few days that I didn't even get out of bed, so this was a definite improvement. 

Apparently lack of sleep was a good thing because I spent all afternoon at the library and I wrote 8 pages.  If I keep this up, I might have another script finished in no time.  I still can't believe how fast is coming together.  I don't think it sucks, but I could be mistaken.  What's crazy, is because I had at least a rough outline of what was happening and I knew what was happening in each scene, it's really helping me.  I've even figured out how to tie later scenes together with the setup.

I remember reading somewhere that having an outline allows you to explore deeper each scene because you already know what's going to happen.  I can honestly say that it's been true, at least in this case.  With the last few scripts that I've written, each one had been uniquely different.  I'm not going to count my first few attempts because OMG, they were horrible and I'm mortified that I wrote them.  I'm also not counting the ones that I co-wrote with Hillary. 

With Watch Me Disappear,  I didn't know how it was going to end.  I just wrote from a place of anger and pain.  It was cathartic, but it took years to even remotely finish and there are still things that I want to tweak. To do that though, I would have to go to a very dark place and right now I'm just too happy to go there. 

My scifi TV series is a good idea, I've even outlined a good portion of it.  I like it, but it too, is very dark and I was just needing to write something cheerful or at least less dark than the stuff I had been writing.  Besides, I couldn't even come up with a title that I liked.  Without that, I just wasn't feeling it.

With Just After a Lifetime, I knew the story I wanted to tell and where I wanted it to end, but I wrote at last 100 pages that I ultimately cut.  I'm not sure if outlining would have helped because the reason it got cut was it was just so boring.  That may have been execution, but I think it was all setup that I didn't need and just showed down the pacing.  Making sure you are writing the right character and the right story is important.  Besides dropping my main character in the thick of it, with both her and the audience, trying to figure out what's going on is so much more exciting.   I did have to toe the line a few times and make sure I didn't take it too far dark and lose the audience. So far, everyone who's read it, thinks it's compelling (they all used that word, I wonder what that means), so I think I did all right on that account.

This script came to me in the course of about 2 afternoons, complete with beginning, middle and end. I had the cast of characters done, outline and title written down in an hour. It was a very basic 4 page outline that provided almost enough for a complete feature length film.  And because I'm in such a much better place, this script is a comedy, though it does have a few moments that tug at the heart strings. I just call that good writing.

Since I originally thought about doing this as a Web series, that was just fine, I didn't need any more content,  but then  I decided to change that. Now I'm writing it as a feature, so I needed a few more scenes, which I came up with today and they all tie in so nicely, they fit like a glove.

Depending on what happens, the more I'm thinking about it and writing about it, the more I want to direct it as a feature film.  The more I want to have it be my first feature film.  It's already being written low budget, so I guess we'll just have to see.

Man I really want to make this as a feature film.  It would be so much fun!!!!

I totally just got an adrenaline rush and it's making me even more excited to write tomorrow. Writing definitely creates the need for more writing.

They say it takes at least 5 screenplays for then to be any good.  Guess how many I've written? You guessed it, 5 (not counting the Co-writing of 2 dark comedies and one produced, award winning independent feature film, all with Hillary).

I may not be fast, but I'm plugging away at it.  Never give up.  Never surrender.

I can't wait till my next movie premier!

365 days of 40 #159-162

Yay for being productive.  This whole weekend, I've had something everyday. 

Friday was a landmark day, I did some baby sitting for a neighbor in need. It was with a real baby.  I haven't done that for quite a while.  It's one thing to cuddle one for a few minutes with the parent right there, it's something much different to be left alone with one for hours.  Thankfully all parties involved survived.

It's getting to be Sundance time and on Saturday, I went downtown and got all of my swag.  The nice thing about volunteering, I get a new coat every year.  While down there, I had training and saw some familiar faces, so it's going to be very exciting to work with them this year.

Yesterday I cleaned my bedroom which was good because it was a complete disaster area.  Part of the problem was I hadn't put Christmas totally away and I kept tripping over everything.  It's not quite done, but it's in much better shape.  Getting my house on order is helping my state of mind and deal with some of my mental hangups.

Yesterday, I also finally got over some of my anxiety and started researching production companies and agents.  I have a good list to start working through.  It may take me longer than I had hoped, but only because I'm so neurotic. 

Baby steps are getting moving in the right direction.

The biggest news was the fact that I started on Confessions today and I wrote 5 pages.  It's definitely a good thing for me to leave my house, there are far fewer distractions, namely TV.  I got the pages written in just a few hours.  It helps that I've already outlined everything, it's going so much faster.  I'm going to go over to the library every day this week.

I think parallel goals is going to be the key.  I work on one for a while, take a break and do something different then go back to the first thing.  That's my pattern of success that works the best for me.  So why try and do anything different.  I just need to add some kind of workout and that would be the perfect triad.  One day at a time, I don't want to overwhelm myself, I'm so NOT a type A personality. 

That's okay, I'm just me, and I'm pretty good.

365 days of 40 #157-158

So, where to begin.  I had an enjoyable make out session with a guy I met online a few months ago. It's been a long time since I made out like that, and truthfully it was very tame, not knock my socks off, but it nice.  I do have to admit, when he kissed me on the back of my neck, it was quite the turn on.

The other thing it did was inspire me with a solution to a problem in the Web series.  I knew that my character finally hooked up with the guy she liked, but he wasn't what she thought.  I couldn't figure out how to make it work without it seeming like he was a bad guy, but her just not having a connection or spark makes it work so much better. Contrast it with the kiss she had with "the kid" and we have movie making magic.  Or not, but it still should be fun.

365 days of 40 #156

Talk about the most boring post ever, I got absolutely nothing done.  I puttered around here and there but in general, it was a rather boring day.  Being unemployed doesn't suit me well at all.  I work so much better when I have a dead line and not having one does nothing at all to help me be motivated.

I have been working on the outlines for the web series and it's slowly coming along.  I also spent some time doing more research about crowd funding.  The biggest thing that I learned was about having a good web presence.  I have a bit of one, but now I need to figure out how to increase it to meaningful levels.  Easier said than done.

So in the hopes of not boring anyone else to death, I'll be short and dream of Florida.

365 days of 40 #155

Today, I should have actually sent out query letters, but I just really didn't want to.  I need to, but it's so scary and I'm feeling very whiny.  I just need to send out the easy ones at first, so I can get over the anxiety, but it's still hard.  That's okay, I've still got a ton of stuff happening and there is lots of good news.

I finally heard back about call-backs for Fiddler on the Roof.  Amazingly enough, I actually got a part, especially considering that I had a pretty good case of laryngytis, which is always exciting.  Of course, the part has a whopping 3 lines, but hey! It's a start. :)  In the meantime, I'm actively working on my next project.

I've been mapping out the episodes for the webseries, "Confessions of an Unlikely Cougar".  It's amazing how fast it's coming together.  I'm really excited.  As I've been figuring out the episodes, the preliminary breakdown I started with has actually been the titles of the episodes.

Seriously, I can't believe how FAST it's coming together.

The other good news of the day is that I got to see my oldest and dearest friend for a few hours today.  She went and got married and moved to Missouri of all places, but since she's really happy, I guess I can't be too upset with her.  It was great to catch up and we even chatted about my webseries and she gave me a few good ideas that inspired other ideas which has led me to my current status.

Since I'm anxious to get back to writing, I'm going to keep this short, because also at some point I should go to bed.  I wish sleep wasn't something that was so important, but since I don't want to have a complete psychotic break, I guess I'll knock off.

365 days of 40 #152-154

It's amazing how easy it is to get knocked off track when one's habits are interrupted.  Thankfully, I'm getting back on track without too much time loss.  I still can't believe that it's already Jan. 5, 2014.  Time is really flying these days.  The kids go back to school in the morning, and while I know that I should be going to bed, my schedule is out of whack, which is what happens to me when I don't have a job.  I stay up till all hours of the night because I'm just naturally a night owl, but of course then I go back to work and it's hard for me to get back on a "normal" schedule. Oh well.

The last couple of days I've been completely unproductive.  I've been playing this stupid game that I haven't played for years, but it is so dang addictive, that I've had a hard time stopping, though today I did better.  I got out of the house for a few hours even, when I got to go meet a good friend for lunch.  It was nice to catch up.  He took me to Sweet Tomatoes, which is always one of my favorites.

It was also during our conversation that I finally solidified what project I want to work on next, which crazily enough, is not my sci-fi series, but in fact, the comedy.  Totally blows my mind, but I'm really excited about it.  I think it going to be a lot of fun.  Because it came to me a fully formed idea, it's coming together in ways that I never expected. I've got the opening, the ending and even some really funny moments in the middle. I'm really looking forward to pulling it together and actually shooting it is as a web series.  

In the meantime, this next week is going to be finally sending out query letters.  There are no more excuses, the holidays are officially over, I have to get the script out, even if I'm scared.  It's time to let go of all of the things that are holding me back and taking all of the good stuff that I learned from my power 90 and take control of my life.

Cute family pic from my power 90 graduation.

365 days of 40 #151

I still can't believe that it's 2014. Seriously, it boggles the mind.  I'm trying to get the house all cleaned so that I can really get going as I get into the year.  Today, I managed to get the living room cleaned and Christmas put mostly away. We also worked in the kitchen, which was disgusting.  My goal is to have that finished tomorrow.  The rest of the day is going to be spent getting ready for my graduation from power 90 tomorrow and finishing writing my letter and getting at least one sent off before tomorrow night.  The goal is to get the house super clean this weekend so that starting next week, I can focus on writing letters and sending them out as well as sending out resumes.  Good times coming up, and complete craziness, cause it's Sundance!!! Love this time of year.  January is always so busy, but I love it. For now, sleep, then tomorrow, I start tackling life.

365 days of 40 #147-150

It's a new year! 2014 is going to freaking rock.  I have so much that I'm excited for, but my brain is tired.  I owe myself a good blog, but I'm tired.  I need to be able to type, and my phone isn't going to cut it tonight. So for now, my best wishes for all!