Over the weekend I watched “Four
Weddings and a Funeral”, a movie I haven’t seen for who knows how long. I forgot how funny it was, but it was also
rather poignant because it was also a reminder of the fact that I’m single and
have no prospects for any kind of a relationship.
Most of the time, I'm really quite
content to be single. After almost 10 years of a marriage that I was
really quite miserable with, I finally got up enough courage to leave.
Divorce was hard, but I'm so much happier being single. It's been over
6 years since my divorce was finalized and for the most part I'm pretty okay
with being single. This is not to say that I want to stay single for the
rest of my life, but right now, I've got so much going on, trying to fit
someone else into the mix is a bit of a struggle.
Unfortunately today is one of those
days that is reminding just how alone I’m feeling. A good friend that I work with is engaged and
will getting married in March. I’m really happy for her but today is her
birthday and her fiancé brought her flowers and donuts. It’s those little
things, the way that he treats her, that really makes me want to have a
boyfriend.
My problem is that I’m very much like
Fiona (from “Four Weddings and a Funeral”) “The truth is... well, the truth is,
I have met the right person, and he's not in love with me, and until I stop
loving him, no one else really has a chance.”
Since I compare everyone I meet to the
“perfect” guy that I’ve been in love with for something like 6 years, no one
can compete. Which is of course totally
unfair to any potential love interests, but since I haven’t found anyone that seems
even remotely interested in me, I suppose it’s a moot point.
As I approach 40 (wow, that used to
seem so far away), I’m really at a point where I’m far more comfortable with
myself than I have ever been before. I’m
not rushing into relationships because I’m scared of being alone. I’m not pining away for my unrequited love (or
at least not too often).
I’m good with being single, but
sometimes I’m really tired of being alone.
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ffFiona loves Charlie gg Kinda how I love... |
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