But it doesn't kill you, even if you feel like dying afterwards.
The best way to deal with it and move on is like when you pull a band aid off. You can pull it off gently, but it hurts for a long time, or you can just rip it off quickly and it will sting for a bit, but then feels better and you can move on.
Once it happens, it's a whole lot easier to move on and stop dwelling on things you have no control over and focus on the things you can control.
I didn't exactly tell HIM how I felt, but enough so that I will be able to let the fantasy go and find someone who will like me back. It's hard, I've been nursing this crush for a long time, but truthfully, I have had one crush that lasted longer. The last time that I saw him, I told him I was finally over him and 2 weeks later I met my now ex husband. While it wasn't my happily ever after, letting go allowed me to open my heart to someone else.
Thats what I need to do now. I need to grieve this loss and move on. In a way it's very liberating. I don't have to play the what-if game with myself any longer. I don't need to take this personally, it's life.
It's the same way with, my writing. Yeah, it is absolutely terrifying to put myself out there, but I know that not everyone is going to like my script, and thats okay. When you get locked in a cocoon, you want things to just be easy for you to break out, but it's the struggle that makes you strong.
I'm strong, a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. I'm not going to die, I'll get past the pain. It won't exactly be easy, but it's WAY better than just stagnating and never moving on.
Reality is much better than fantasy, and I'm looking forward to it.
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