What's the worst they can say?

In a conscious effort to unlock the words that seems to be trapped in my brain, I also need to get over my otherwise irrational fear of writing as of late.  I think it started when I went to LA earlier this year for a pitch-fest.  Needless to say, I was completely terrified, but I had lots of people definitely interested in my my work and I left LA feeling pretty darn good. Fast forward several months, I still haven't actually sent off my scripts.

Intellectually, I know that the worst they can say is "No", but it seem so much bigger in real life.  

A short time ago, because of my familiarity of working the college system and knowing the right people to talk to, I was asked to offer some advice to another single mom who wasn't sure where to begin when it came to going back to school. When I asked about this woman a short time later, she still hadn't applied and the comment back was basically that she was happier with the status quo than doing anything about changing it and it occurred to me that it was probably fear.

Now, I wasn't scared to go back to school, it was other challenges that I was dealing with at the time, but I can completely relate to the fear of stepping outside of yourself and putting your heart out there for the possibility of someone to stomp on it.  Sharing my writing with friends has never been an issue.  Inside, I knew that if they didn't like the story, they at least still liked me.  

Sharing work for the first time in a professional capacity is far FAR scarier.  I've submitted to contests before, but I knew the odds going in and while I dreamed that things would happen, I also kept myself in a rational - one might say pessimistic - frame of mind.  I had convinced myself that there was no way that I could ever possibly win a contest, there were so many people entering that it would be too hard for my work to stand out against so many others.

For the first time in my life though, I had people - producers and film makers - who actually wanted to read my material.  They spoke to me and wanted more from me.  

When I got home, I froze.  Total deer in the headlights and it paralyzed me.  

Instead of taking my spare time and writing, I plopped myself down in front of the television and I've spent the last 6 months completely vegging out.  

Talk about self sabotage.  Even though I knew exactly what I was doing, I was unable to stop.  

As the 100,000,000 puzzle pieces of my life have started to come together, I'm starting to see sections of the puzzle that are starting show pictures and tell stories.  I'm starting to feel more complete.  I totally wish I was farther along, but it makes no sense whatsoever to beat myself up over it. 

It's like my weight loss journey, if I screw up one meal or one day or even a week, I can get back up and make better choices the next time.  So that's what I'm doing with my writing.  I'm not going to let my fears hold me back and I'm going to start putting my work out there.

Besides, what's the worst thing they can say?  "No."  It's really not that scary of a word after all.