So this is 40

I've been thinking all day about it, but today is a new milestone in my life.

40

That is a big scary number to be sure.  No long can I say that I'm in my 30's.  It's finally come, the big 4-0. Forty, 40, or XL if you prefer Roman numerals.  No matter how you write it, it's still a big change.

As tempting as it is to look back on my life and wonder about all the what ifs and could have beens, my life has been made up of hads and dones.  All of which have made my life fuller and more rich than I ever imagined.

First of all, the things that are most precious to me in the world are my kids.  I don't think my struggle of balancing my dreams vs having my kids will ever go away, and that is just something that I'm going to have to work on.  But at the same time, as I look at them growing up, I see some pretty amazing people that I'm grateful to know not only as their mom, but as their friend.  The relationship that I have with them is really a lot of fun.  I know that I still have a long way to go when it comes to being a better parent, but each step I take is one step closer to reaching those goals.

I've done a lot of different things in my life.  While I haven't traveled the world like I have wanted, I have still managed to travel a lot of this country and seen some pretty amazing things.  I've even been to 3 countries and almost 3/4 of the states.

Once again I find myself unemployed, but I'm trying to make the most the situation that I'm in. I'm applying for jobs that previously I would have been scared to apply for, and getting interviews, and while I haven't yet gotten a job, the fact that I have gotten interviews means I'm on the right track.

I'm putting myself out more and more when it comes to my writing.  I joined a writer's group and submitted my script, Watch Me Disappear. It was the first time that I had allowed more than one person at a time to read the script, the whole script.  I know that the topic is hard for people to understand, but having someone tell me that they thought the script was beautiful and compelling, despite the content, made me feel fantastic. It totally gave me a boost as I ponder what I hope will be the last rewrite before I approach a producer and get this film made.

I'm still working on my other script and it's coming along, not as fast as I would like but still moving on. I'm just stuck on the last little bit before it gets to the end, which thankfully I have written.

When I turned 20, 40 seemed so far away. Now it's here and I can't believe it, but I am looking forward to the future and seeing where things go.

I'm feeling pretty darn confident that the next 20 years are going to be fantastic.