I got a lesson in perspective today. After staying up ridiculously late last night to finish up the last Harry Potter book, I was completely exhausted. I only had 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and take the kids to school. I managed that with relative ease, then came back home and crashed.
But after 2 days of no real productivity, I was determined to get some stuff done. Which I did, and it was great. It really helped to have someone to be accountable too, even if all I did was send a few texts.
Knowing that my schedule is going to change drastically next week, I decided to take the kids to the library. I wanted to get some writing done, and sometimes I need a change of scenery. Unfortunately, I was just really distracted to be creative, but I did some other goal related activities and was feeling good.
I had helped M put some books on hold, then I looked some books up and put them on hold. It was research for my TV show, criminal procedures etc.
True crime is also in this section and I saw the autobiography of Jaycee Dugard, the girl who survived 18 years in Hell after being kidnapped when she was 11. I checked it out and brought it home.
I started reading it, but then needed to take the kids to parent-teacher conferences, so I put it down. Both of my kids are doing great and I'm so proud of them.
M's dance teacher was so proud of her and all of the work she has been doing at home. She even had M give a pep talk to the kids in her class, talking about how hard work can change you. She started the semester not being able to do a single sit up, and can now do 30 in a minute. She's worked so hard, it's amazing to see.
X is doing really well in his classes as well. After a rocky start with his tummy troubles, things are really starting to click. I admit I was really worried about how he would handle going back to school full time. And he's doing great. His engineering class is his favorite and his teacher really appreciates how responsible he is, especially since the rest of his class is really obnoxious.
Afterwards, we went and got an ice cream cone and came home. Shortly after we got home, I started reading again and this is where I gained a whole new perspective. Just the simple act of going to the drive through is something we take for granted.
As I read Jaycee's story, it was hard to imagine how a little girl could go through so much and come out on the other side, stronger for having gone through it. One of the things that really struck me was the diary she kept in captivity, especially in the last few years before she was rescued. In the excerpts, she posted her affirmations of who she wanted to be. She was seeking to take control of her life in a situation where she had absolutely no control of herself or the babies that she had while in captivity.
As she reflected on what she learned and was working towards, her spirit which had been beaten down and even broken, was beginning on the journey to becoming whole. I could go on and on, it was truly inspiring, but it's really her story to tell.
Besides, I have own unique story to tell.
In my life, I've never faced anything like she went through, but I've had my share of struggles. My challenge has been to let go of things in the past that have happened and have no way to change.
I'm letting go of my mistakes and broken hearts.
I'm ridding myself of toxic relationships and making better choices when it comes to inviting people to be a party of my life.
I'm not going to beat myself up for just being me, cause I'm not took bad.
I'm letting go of my fears of failure and success and rejection. They happen to everyone. Really, the ones who truly fail are those who quit.
So as I fully embark on my power 90 journey of self discovery, recognizing and acknowledging my self worth and becoming my authentic self, I'm sharing my goal and reasons why with the Universe.
It's appropriate that since my blog is called the ramblings of a neurotic filmmaker, my first goal is film related.
My first goal has many steps, but I have a good game plan. I'm going to finish up my Just After a Lifetime script and the Shadowchaser TV Bible. Once those are done, I'm going to send query letters out to producers and agents, and hopefully set up opportunities to go to LA and pitch and sell my scripts. I've even signed to to take a class called, How to get an Agent.
My second Power 90 goal is going to do everything for my Watch Me Disappear script to bring it to life, taking it into preproduction, so that my third Power 90 goal is shooting not just a feature film, but my film. The one that I bled and agonized over.
My affirmation is "I am a gifted and talented screenwriter and director with unique vision and powerful stories to tell. "
Yeah, I'm good with that. :)
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